Moink & Ooo

Being a Grandma is absolutely delightful and positively exhausting.

A couple of days ago, I babysat from 4 to 7:30. When I arrived, my son announced that Ms. Riley, age 9 months, hadn't had an afternoon nap (and only a 30 minute one in the car in the morning). Even Riley, the perfect child, is not so perfect at that time.

I decide to take her for a walk in the stroller - she likes it and she usually falls asleep - except when she doesn't because she likes to look around. It was a beautiful day and she enjoyed the neighborhood stroll. To be fair, she finally did sleep, for all of 20 minutes because she woke up within 15 seconds of my stopping and I wasn't up for another 45 minute walk.

So we came inside and played…and played…and played. I fed her dinner which she thoroughly enjoyed, especially the part where she squished the banana slices in her fingers before struggling to make the transfer from sticky fingers to mouth. Often the dexterity eluded her, which meant banana in the hair (hers and mine) I gave her a bath, again lots of fun, even if Grandma was drenched by the end. But it was clear that she was fading fast.

I didn't want to put her to sleep because if she went to bed before a final nursing with her Mom, she'd wake up in an hour, refreshed from her nap just about the time the adults in the house were ready to call it a night. So I just had to hang on for another 30 minutes and the cavalry, e.g. her mom, would be arriving.

At this point, her only comfort was me holding her (all 20 pounds of that cute bundle), swaying back and forth (while ignoring growing lower back pain), and most of all, singing her favorite song. Now this little ditty was written by my daughter-in-law, as an accompaniment to a rather oddly designed stuffed animal that Riley adores. It is affectionately called Pig Cow, which is in fact what it looks like. The song is as follows:

I'm a little pig cow, pig cow, pig cow
I'm a little pig cow, pig cow, pig
Pigs say oink
Cows say moo
I say Moink
And sometimes Ooo.

I was up to about my 2,000th rendition of the song, when it struck me that, with just a little minor variation, it's exactly the same tune as the childhood classic, "I'm a Little Teapot, Short and Stout, Here is my handle, Here is my spout."

I decide to change it up, and launched, with much bravado, into a full-out rendition of this new ditty.

The Queen was not amused.

She looked at me like I had belched, loudly, at Buckingham Palace.

Her face screwed up, her tears were big and plentiful.

I apologized profusely and immediately switched back to the Pig Cow tune (which I'm humming now even in my sleep).

Temporary peace was restored, although it was clear that trust had been breached.

What could I do to restore the sunny disposition of this wondrous child? I still had ten minutes to kill. It was time for the last resort.

Have you ever heard of Mum-Mums? I have raised four children and until a month ago, had never heard of this delicacy, each box of which costs about the same as a new car. They are rice rusks, organic of course, with a touch of sugar, and the equivalent of Godiva chocolate in the baby world.

Interrupting the Pig Cow song long enough to explain to Ms. Riley what I was about to do, I said, "Riley, honey, there may be sugar in these Mum-Mums, but don't worry. Your Mommy and Daddy will buy you braces when you are a teenager. Grandma is going to get you a Mum-Mum right now."

All tears, even hints of tears, stopped. Did I mention that the child's only vocabulary right now consists of Mum-Mum and Hi? Clearly I was on the right track.

Peace reigned. We sat on the steps, child contentedly eating her treat, me continuing to murmur Moinks and Oooos.

Mom arrived. Grandma gave big kisses and headed for home, exhausted but triumphant.

Would all the problems in the world be so easily fixed with a little Moink, Oooo, and Mum-Mum.

Grandma, aka Marian the Northern half of Evelyn David

Brianna Sullivan Mysteries - e-book series
I Try Not to Drive Past Cemeteries- Kindle - Nook - Smashwords
The Dog Days of Summer in Lottawatah- Kindle - Nook - Smashwords
The Holiday Spirit(s) of Lottawatah- Kindle - Nook - Smashwords
Undying Love in Lottawatah- Kindle - Nook - Smashwords
A Haunting in Lottawatah - Kindle - Nook - Smashwords

The Sullivan Investigation Series
Murder Drops the Ball (Spring 2011)
Murder Takes the Cake- Paperback - Kindle
Murder Off the Books- Paperback - Kindle
Riley Come Home (short story)- Kindle - Nook - Smashwords

Romances
Love Lessons - Kindle - Nook - Smashwords

The Sidestep

Here's a confession from the Northern Half of Evelyn David. It's important to distinguish who is talking here because as you will learn, there's a real schism in this partnership.

When I drive, I listen to Sirius Radio, specifically I listen to On Broadway (channel 75) with Seth Rudetsky and Christine Pedi, self-described as "a couple of dueling divas." Truth is, I want them both to shut up and just play the music. I also listen to 40s on 4 – the era of the big band sound. I'll flip to some classical music if the Broadway tune is too depressing or atonal. I switch over to AM radio to catch the traffic conditions and news on the hour. Great, thoughtful discussions on topics arcane or newsworthy? Not so much. I have what is best described as middlebrow taste – verging on low brow. And I have no apologies for any of it.

In contrast, the Southern half of this writing combo listens to NPR with a dedication that borders on religious fervor. I could no more tell you the host of All Things Considered than she could hum a few bars from Fiddler on the Roof.

But I'm not here to discuss our drive-time taste.

The truth is I don't listen to NPR, just like I don't watch much of what's on the public TV stations now that my kids have outgrown Mister Rogers (a national treasure, may he rest in peace). But I do believe in public funding of the arts, even when the nation is in the midst of an economic crisis, because art, in all its forms, is as necessary to the life of a democracy as clean air. George Washington in 1788 declared the arts "essential to the prosperity of the state and to the ornament and happiness of human life." If it's good enough for George, it should be good enough for Representative Doug Lambon, a three-term Republican from Colorado who introduced a bill that would block all taxpayer dollars that NPR might receive.

Representative Lambon has glommed on to the sting operation organized by conservative activist James O'Keefe. Was the fundraiser for NPR who criticized the Tea Party to a potential donor absolutely wrong to make such a comment? Sure. Was it absolutely wrong of O'Keefe to play gotcha by setting up this undercover sting? You bet.

But I'm even more irritated with Representative Lambon. Because I know he knows that NPR receives only 2 percent of its budget from Federal funds. He knows, as the New York Times editorial points out, that his bill is "unattached to a budget measure, it will never survive the Senate or a presidential veto." It's what I call "posturing." Doesn't really intend to do anything for the current budget crisis, doesn't really impact NPR, doesn't really address any issues, but is designed to put his name in lights, maybe draw some attention and money to his political career. What a waste of time and energy when there are bigger, more important problems facing America and the world.


Do you remember the movie, based on a Broadway show, Best Little Whorehouse in Texas? One of the most delicious scenes is Charles Durning, playing the governor of the state, who sings and dances to The Sidestep, able to take whichever position on an issue makes him popular. It's a show-stopper and the audience responds because it's not only clever (and Durning is fantastic), but also because too many of us believe that is what most politicians on both sides of the aisle are doing.

This is a serious time. The crises we face here and abroad are real and scary. Stop wasting time crafting bills that don't address the real issues. Quit dancing The Sidestep.

(Nice that I could end this little rant with a reference to a show tune.)

Marian (the Northern half of Evelyn David)

Tsunamis of All Kinds

Nuclear Meltdowns, Earthquakes, Grassfires, Union Busters, Protesters, Crazy Dictators, Crazy Actors, Crazy Politicians ....

And that was just last week.

In between crises (Or is that crisi? What's the plural of crisis? Cause we don't just have one crisis at a time anymore.) Anyway, in between, I did my income taxes (I'm officially getting $5 back from Uncle Sam), held a public meeting on new regulations for my day job, published a new Evelyn David ebook to multiple on-line platforms, and worried about Oklahoma's state budget and how the current crop of legislators are going to try to make the numbers work. One of the proposed ways (being debated today) will cripple the agency I work for in ways too many to count. None of the proposals will save money. But, hey, sometimes a press release on consolidating agencies is all a politician can hope for. Real solutions take time, research and require reconciling facts with aspirations. Not something the average state politician wants to tackle. And I'm not even going to mention all the new federal environmental policies being forced down the states' throats. No time to make new laws, just change the policies, and try to enforce those like laws until the courts kick them back. Maybe it's not just state politicians who don't have time to do it right.

But leaving my personal "crisi" aside, I feel so bad for the Japanese people. Evelyn David has a slight connection to Japan. Our first mystery, Murder Off the Books, was published there and we've nothing but good things to say about our experience with the Japanese publisher and agent. We wish them and the Japanese people well during their recovery from the earthquake and tsunami.

I hope this week is better than the last one. I don't know about everyone else, but my world has gotten just a little too frantic

If you want to escape, try our new e-book, Love Lessons. Eleven romantic short stories guaranteed to make you smile.

We also have a new cover for our 4th Brianna Sullivan mystery. Undying Love in Lottawatah now features a minor character on the cover - Leon the bulldog. He was such a hit, that we've had to give him a full time gig. Look for him in the upcoming, A Haunting in Lottawatah.

Rhonda
aka The Southern Half of Evelyn David